My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
