I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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