Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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