like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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