Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
