Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
