oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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