Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
