I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
