just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
