tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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