his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize