i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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