My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
