Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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