hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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