I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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