Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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