I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
