No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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