Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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