I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
