i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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