you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
