They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
