he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
