There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
