Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
