i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
