It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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