This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
