ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
