seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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