There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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