i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
