$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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