She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
