break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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