i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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