Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
