I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
