I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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