Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
