I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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