our cab driver is having phone sex.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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