You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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