I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
