if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
