I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
