; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
